I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
