no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
