Only a mothe r could love this liver
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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