Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
