i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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