I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
we should paint friendship bongs
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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