dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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