so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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