lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
