Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
