dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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