I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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