I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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