a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
