no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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