shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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