i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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