She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
