i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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