Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
