Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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