yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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