i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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