weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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