I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
