The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
