glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He passed out mid-signature
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
