Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
