i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
