Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
