Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
