Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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