It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
