I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
