I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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