ya dads aren't the best wingmen
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
