Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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