onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
