every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
