12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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