I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
