I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
