Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
