my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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