I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
