How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
