im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
