hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
