Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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