I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
