there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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