I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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