I heard we made out
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
