it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
