Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
